Perez the prim poseur pokes fun at Carrie Prejean!

I can't believe that this man is being taken seriously by anybody. He seems to have flipped his lid about her views. Talk about rubbishing someone. He's now apparently spreading rumours about her and suggesting she has had surgery. What a little creep! And he has a haircut to go with it.

If the American Pageantry world, as he calls it, is just a front for Gay Pride, then I think a large part of America is going to be saddened more than outraged. Apparently the pageant officials called Carrie Prejean a "disappointing opportunist". I wonder what they are if someone who supports the traditional values on which the United States was founded is castigated as that. The term "un-American" comes to mind.

Most Americans, like elsewhere, are prepared to be accommodating to people like Perez Hilton. However, by rubbishing someone for having the sheer guts to say what she believes, he does himself no favours. In fact, he makes it personal in a nasty way, which kind of reinforces the view that many homosexuals are brittle personalities given to flashes of capricious behaviour. He would do himself a power of good by leaving her alone!

Meanwhile, Carrie herself is off to Washington to take the cause a stage further.

Susan Boyle to be played by Catherine Zeta-Jones!

It must be true! It's on WalesOnline. Apparently the Welsh actress is keen to turn into a Scottish sensation. I can't begin to wonder what the film will end up like. Zeta-Jones is keen on the film rights, but this story unravels by the moment. All kinds of stuff is being written about Susan Boyle that to make it all come true she'd need the nine lives of her cat Pebbles. Who's going to play the cat?

Colin Jordan has passed on!

I may be a bit late in this, but I've just noticed that Colin Jordan has died. The faintly comical and not very impressive British Nazi has died at the age of 85.

Two things from the Daily Telegraph's obituary (yes, even prize nutters get one!) that caught my eye.

First, Denis Healey, whilst speaking at the Leyton by-election of 1965, landed a heavy punch on the fascist, knocking Jordan off the stage and sending him crashing into a watching journalist, breaking the reporter's spectacles. Nice one, Denis!

Second, Jordan's image suffered a severe knock in 1975 when he was fined for stealing three pairs of red women's knickers from a Tesco store in Leamington Spa. The very thought of it. A nazi in a store started by a son of Jewish immigrants.

"Please, sir, I want some more," asks poor boy to millionaire!

Today comes the staggering news that poverty pays handsomely. Sounds like a contradiction, but not when you are the chief executive of a government "firm" that is supposed to help the poor. Charles Dickens wrote copiously about the scandalous conditions of Victorian England. He should be resurrected to put the frighteners on New Labour. Oliver Twist famously asks "Please, sir, I want some more" which was a bold request in a brutal world.

The Commons Public Accounts committee found that the salary of CDC Group chief executive Richard Laing rose from £383,000 in 2003 to £970,000 in 2007. What is he on now, may we ask? When most of Africa is grovelling around for food and shelter, avoiding plague to the right and pestilence to the left, is it right for this guy to take so much? I am all for being paid for the job, but this seems to be an overinflated compensation package that merits forensic scrutiny.

CDC stands for Commonwealth Development Corporation and it was set up to help struggling countries on independence. They have probably done some good work, but their public accountability is woefully weak. If this sort of cash shovelling towards the private coffers of the bosses can go on, what of the rest of the funding? Edward Leigh, the committee chairman, says oversight of the CDC has been "ineffective".

There are a lot more questions to be answered. What if shed loads of cash ended up in Mugabe's treasure trove? Would we get to know?

Carry on, Edward, and get to the bottom of this murky pile!

Swine flu makes a pig's ear of world health!

I can't help but think that this swine flu outbreak is Nature's way of telling us we've got it all wrong. This morning on the BBC News channel there was a report from an ABC newsman from Mexico. He was talking to some people who were fed up with living next to the stench of defecating pigs who were stuffed into this hellhole of gigantic pigsty. The reporter wore a face mask. The local Mexicans did not. The gist of all this was that the mutating flu germ had probably found a ready made location for "mixing it". I do not know whether there is any scientific evidence to suggest that this frightful piggery was a contributing factor. The very least of it all was that it was no place for pigs! The heat must be unbearable. The local population could pick up all manner of diseases, swine flu amongst them.

If this disease emanates from pigs, then it is no doubt that humans have had some part in causing the flu germ to respond as it has. Nobody has yet said that any pigs have got it. Perhaps they have become immune. They'd need some kind of immunity just to survive in most of the housing they are put into.

And I feel a bit for the general Mexican public. It must be hard enough struggling to earn a crust in that country. The last thing they want is for the rest of the world to think that they should be avoided. Just as with avian flu, this outbreak will probably cause a lot of chattering scientists to give us their views, but that the whole sorry state of descecrating the Earth will continue.

I'm only glad we were all born with an immune system. If not, entering this world could mean instant death, particularly in some hospitals I could name! What is that saying, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness". I bet that the whole flu germ community is over the moon with a grubby world that is embracing secularism by the second!

Cellars or sellers?

I was beginning to feel sorry for myself, being a bit headachy in this thundery weather, or at least it is in the Solihull area. Then I read that the Government is stashing booze away in the cellars of the Whitehall maze of Ministries to the tune of almost £800,000. That made the tingling brain cells come back to life!

What on earth do they need so much for? Most of it can't be worth storing. They've got 39,500 bottles of wine, spirits and liqueurs valued at around £792,000. Just another Jack Daniels to complement the stock, eh? They live on another planet.

Last night I saw a programme on Channel 4 about the credit crisis. One chap said, "You don't have to be a risk assessment manager to know that if you lend loads of money to someone who hasn't got a job, hasn't got any property and isn't particularly credit worthy that that is not a very good deal!".

I don't need convincing that this country is run by cretins for cretins - I know it's a fact!

Weasel Woolas dumps on Gurkhas from a height!

Most people, I am sure, had been expecting some justice for the Gurkhas. However, it is not to be. Not totally unexpected, as this government is shameful when it comes to honour, decency and just plain humanity. Up to their necks in benefit cheating, spin and deception - the budget being the latest prize example - we just have to wait again.

Joanna Lumley, who has been a longtime campaigner for the Gurkhas, said the announcement made her "ashamed of our administration". Immigration Minister Phil Woolas is in high spin mode, suggesting that this is an improvement. Why can't he just come clean and admit he doesn't want them here.

The Gurkhas have fought bravely for this country without fear or favour always prepared to do what was asked of them. Their VC collection is testament to this. It is just their bad luck they should run into such a weasel as Woolas!

Tory letters awaited with bated breath!

It's a week now since the top blogger from that wonderfully insightful site "Letters From A Tory" blogged a post. I hope he is doing OK. I know the terrible pangs he must be having about not being able to blog. We all know the feeling.

I hope he has been a good boy and kept quiet whilst away on his break (his promise to his girlfriend!). If not, we'll hear about it all when he comes back!

Immigrants get it from right and left!

You'd be wondering why so many would-be immigrants try so desperately to get into Britain. On the one hand (the right) they've got Nick Griffin sizing them up as potential "racial foreigners" and on the other hand (the left) they've got the hapless Jacqui Smith viewing them as potential terrorists and anti-social foreigners. Not much of a warm welcome there!

Most sane and rational people want a firm and fair immigration system. One that is palpably open to simple understanding and not bound up with so much red tape and regulations that "experts" have to decipher it all. The BNP has come up with some frightful tome called the "Language and Concepts Discipline Manual". This is apparently to keep the BNP faithful from straying into illegal talk but encouraging them to use words that convey the "message". Which is that if you have a skin colouring that is on the darker side of Robert Kilroy-Silk's you get to be put in the "racial foreigners" camp. A camp that may one day have barbed wire all around it.

This is a policy (well, not even a policy, really!) that is high on hatred and low on logic! Griffin has taken Humpty Dumpty at his word and made "racial foreigner" mean what he wants it to mean. All very distasteful.

Then we have the case of the twelve Pakistani students rounded up on terrorist charges, the very same ones that got Bob Quick to resign, only to find that the police can't charge them with anything. The whole thing appears to be a storm in a teacup. Or a cockup. Or worse.

Now that the police have done their bit, these students are still deemed unsavoury characters so have been turned over to the UK Border Agency. Jacqui Smith has become judge and jury and they are going to be deported. Nice one! If I were a Pakistani contemplating coming to study in England I'd have serious doubts running through my head. Because the way the expenses-cheating Home Secretary thinks, they are guilty just because they are Pakistani. This is utterly monstrous. She should have the guts to tell the Pakistan government that ALL their citizens are seen by the UK government as potential terrorists.

Some of them are protesting their innocence in court. It's the very idea that, because no charges were made, some other method needs to be used to "get them". This government is always spinning that they are fighting terrorism but mostly they are not. New Labour's bungling of security issues only feeds the very thing they are claiming to be against. Now Asians living in the UK are disturbed and upset by the thought that they are perceived as a trojan horse.

They must feel like they are in the Charge of the Light Brigade. "Cannon to right of them, cannon to left of them...."

Happy St.George's Day!

Today is St.George's Day. I wonder how many people remembered. To be honest I nearly forgot, what with my mind on other things. Terrible, and me blogging on such things as an English parliament and constitutional fairness for the English and people of England.

I put it all down to the fact that we live in a society that doesn't feel at ease with such stuff. If I had my way today would be a public holiday. Scrap the May Day red flag nonsense of Old Labour and celebrate something worthwhile, honest and decent.

The BBC is doing its bit, but I see they have a picture of a man in a suit of armour dragging a dragon past Buckingham Palace. If that's the sort of publicity we need to raise awareness, so be it, but I would hope one day we can all look forward to a really fun day of celebration and national pride.

Gordon - you're fired!

Just as on The Apprentice last night, when the losing team was lambasted by Alan Sugar for coming up with the character of Pants Man to help sell a fictitious breakfast cereal, Gordon Brown comes up with an equally crap idea for cleaning up MPs' expenses.

I can just hear Sir Alan. Looking at David Cameron and Nick Clegg, he says, "Good team leader, was he?" Then later on, when the whole sorry project unravels. "What was you thinking? Swipe cards for MPs!?! More like swipe me! Listen, my friend, you've only got to get it swiped once to get a whole day's expenses. Five minutes worth of work is what one of 'em did! No, it's a total disaster. You went out and you lost me money!"

The losing team last night were still in denial, even though they grudgingly admitted that Pants Man may have been a bad idea. As Margaret Mountford wisely observed of one of them, "I feel he still thinks in his own mind that it was a brilliant idea."

Now that can be applied to Gordon Brown. He is just like an Apprentice player, pushing through crazy ideas and flawed notions, even though those around him can see it's all "a total disaster". He thinks it's all brilliant. Trouble is his Cabinet team have the look on their faces of turkeys hoping for a perpetual summer!

Darling gets 50% of top earners' takings!

I've not contemplated the budget in any great detail, but have chanced to read that those earning over £150,000 will have the top slice cut in half. Not exactly an Old Labour tactic, more an Up-To-Our-Necks-In-It Labour reaction. Forget about Sats and league tables at schools. All school leavers will have to use every ounce of grey matter figuring out how to pay back the dire results of Gordon Brown's reckless abandonment of Prudence. Because we are all involved and will all be involved for a very long time.

Those about to get the big bucks and bonuses creamed off the top of their pay packets may feel aggrieved. If they ever voted for this lot, then it's one big fat free range chicken coming home to roost. They should know that it always ends in tears for Labour.

The Confederation of British Industry puts it quite well when it says that this budget does not set out a "credible and rigorous" path to recovery. No, it doesn't. Gordon Brown has not been credible in much of this. Ever since the sub-prime fiasco came tumbling apart, he has sought to suggest it was all the fault of others. They were involved, certainly, but his "light touch" allowed those who should have known better to turn blind eyes, to keep quiet about dodgy dealings or to bury their heads in their hands.

He knew the economy was all going pear-shaped long before he eventually admitted it publically. How anyone could think that a further five years of a Labour government is worth contemplating, I do not know.

House sales 'jumped 40% in March'!

I would take that with a very large pinch of salt. HMRC has some new figures and they are suggesting that there is an improvement in the housing market. I am not alone in welcoming such a move. Any market that stagnates is no good to anyone. However, I sense Treasury spin here. These "average sales" amount to about £40,000 each. I would hazard a guess that these are not all first time buyers, but more those with ready cash buying up houses for future events. As with previous slumps, it is the cash-rich speculator that can buy on the cheap.

I think the Council of Mortgage Lenders is nearer the mark by saying, "Despite this small improvement, the CML does not foresee a lasting, significant increase in lending volumes until funding conditions improve." Nicely said, with no spin!

Strange goings-on at Miss USA!

Carrie Prejean is the current Miss California and she believes that "a marriage should be between a man and a woman". This is not an outlandish belief. It is the Christian understanding of human sexuality and is the bedrock of the Sacrament of Matrimony. Whilst a few who profess to Christian belief take alternative opinions and the gay community obviously think otherwise, it is nonetheless orthodox belief.

You may wonder what all this is about. Well, Miss Prejean replied honestly to a question about marriage at the Miss USA contest. "I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offence to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised." This answer caused the libertines and free spirits to turn apoplectic.

Keith Lewis, who runs the Miss California competition, released a statement condemning Miss Prejean's comments. "As co-director of the Miss California USA, I am personally saddened and hurt that Miss California believes marriage rights belong only to a man and a woman." Well, well! What a critically opinionated guy he is, for sure.

Mr. Lewis represents the kind of "democrat" that wants only one course of action. He may think he is a liberal, but some liberals can be very illiberal indeed. So he engineered her demise as Miss USA! Rather spitefully he said, "She lost it because of that question. She was definitely the front-runner before that."

I think Miss Prejean is well out of it. Spending a year promoting his pageant queen business would be hell on earth. At least she knows she has her integrity intact!

Cheney talks tough on torture!

Dick Cheney is an odd cove. He is of the split personality politician tendency. When it came to people having a go at his lesbian daughter for not playing the "game" of Republican politics, as the so-called Christian Right suggested, he quite rightly said it was none of their business. Dick Cheney is not one to mince his words.

However, when it comes to torturing your opponents in the War on Terror, all liberal ethics shoot out the window. Cheney views interrogation techniques such as water-boarding a success. He has no problem with causing someone to go half-way to St.Peter's Gates and back in a violent mock drowning. It's all a great success according to him.

Well, if I was half drowned, water in my lungs, panting for breath, with my brain spinning about, I think I might just summon up enough strength to mutter anything my tormentors wanted to know. Cheney has an odd idea about how to conduct interrogation.

Having spent the dying days of his vice-presidency denying such things happened, he now wants the world to recognise such barbarity as a "success". I'm sure the world will not do so and prefer President Obama's take on it all.

The CIA does a sterling job looking after the interests of the American people, but they need to be better than the people they are after. Obama is right and the CIA will respect his leadership and his support for them.

Dick Cheney and his water-boarding work is consigned to history!

Tesco tops the till takers!

Tesco is now the unstoppable king of the retailers. There is no other like it in the UK. Fast becoming a one-stop shop (they actually own One Stop convenience stores!), they are keen for you to buy all your daily/weekly shopping with them. Some complain that Tesco is now too big, but a large part of that "bigness" is us going to shop with them. There seems to be a new split-personality complex infecting shoppers. It is well known in politicians and corporate types. Now the purchasing public is getting a dose.

When Woolworths went bust the TV news channels were full of people saying how sad they were, what a terrible blow it all was to the high streets of Britain. But when asked when they last shopped at Woolworths, their memories needed shock therapy. We can be terribly hypocritcal about what we want and don't want.

Tesco can't be blamed for running a succesful business and it shouldn't be. We do have choice and there are plenty of stores offering it. I certainly do not buy everything at one place. I go to Tesco, but I do not go solely to them. For instance, I find it far more agreeable to buy milk at an Asian store where it is almost half the supermarket price! I tell myself I'd be a fool not to.

One thing about supermarkets is the complexity of the "offer" as it is now known. Prices are not going to be the lowest all over in Tesco otherwise the profit margins would be compromised. However, pricing is very up and down, changing on a weekly basis. Customers require mental arithmetic and visual dexterity of a high degree. It was all very different when Jack Cohen, Tesco's founder, started out. I well remember him appearing in a TV programme about supermarkets. Ever the showman-meets-market-trader, he proudly explained his marketing techniques. He came to the end of an aisle, explained to the reporter, "See here, I've got Heinz salad cream in a basket. It's all put in like it's going cheap. Just put in. People think it's a bargain, cos it's not stacked or anything. Then I put some more on the shelves further down, all neat and tidy. Both at the same price, mind. And you know what? The "bargain" ones go first!"

With a founder like Jack Cohen, Tesco was bound to succeed. He knew there were enough of "us" to prove him right!

Darling's daring budget?

I sincerely hope that Alistair Darling recognises in his budget that we are in a mess but that we are all keen to get out of it as soon as possible. The time has past for yah-boo politics. We need to draw a line in the sand and move on. No more cover-ups, financial denial or blaming others.

He should explain, without spin, all the detail that is going to help the economy. Pure facts and not spun statistics. And he needs to keep Gordon Brown well away from it all.

If we are to get government plans, such as a car scrappage scheme, let him tell us honestly what it will cost and how it will work. We have been promised mortgage rescue schemes, business loan schemes, etc. All seem vague and wishy-washy. The funding detail is never properly disclosed.

A budget without spin or subterfuge will benefit us all regardless of our political views and our personal circumstances.

Old stories die hard!

Looking through news sites on the internet one is led to believe that everything is up to date. Whilst delving into some Alistair Darling stuff I noticed the BBC was running a story (currently at No.2 in the "Most Read" table) about condoms not fitting Indian men properly. Being curious, I clicked onto it, only to discover the story is over two years old!

The internet is an amazing tool. It will delve into the depths to bring up anything and everything. I left wondering, if after the two years, the Indians have obtained properly fitting condoms. Surely with their expanding economy they could make their own custom made ones. The BBC hasn't told us, so it remains to be seen (and heard!).

Ron Paul tricked into gay seduction scene!

Ron Paul has had the misfortune to be duped by Sacha Baron Cohen's sense of humour. This humour is based upon tricking people into embarrassing situations and playing back the filmed sequence as entertainment to the masses.

Basically Cohen has another alter ego called Bruno who is a gay "reporter" of sorts. Paul was asked how he ended up in a hotel room in such a compromising situation. He said, 'We were in a studio situation, I wasn't invited into a hotel room. There were lots of lights and blaze and commotion and they said we better get in this back room which had been fixed up as a bedroom. So there was some dishonesty getting me into the interview, I was expecting an interview on Austrian economics. That didn't turn out that way. By the time he (Cohen) started pulling his pants down, I was like what on earth is going on here and I ran out of the room. This interview had ended.'

If Cohen thought he could stitch Ron Paul up he was grievously mistaken. As Paul says, 'I don't like the way he lies his way into interviews. That to me is fraud. He has raunchy material people buy into it's sort of sad that it's a reflection of our culture. It's a real shame people are gonna reward him with millions and millions of dollars for being so crass.'

That is very true. If Cohen used willing people then OK. But it is the duplicity that rather negates any humour there might be.

Alice Mahon jacks it in!

Alice Mahon has left the Labour Party after 50 years. In politics there comes a breaking point for many and it seems hers was the mucky e-mail nonsense emanating from the No.10 bunker.

She told the Yorkshire Post, "My stepdaughter Rachel said to me, 'How could they do that to people like David Cameron and his wife Samantha when they had recently lost their son Ivan? What kind of people think it would be a good idea to smear them?'"I was sickened by that – that is not the Labour Party that I joined all those years ago.'' No, it isn't. It is now a party run by spivs for spivs. Whatever I may think of socialists or Labourites, they have in the main had principles and passion. Now it is all about cover-ups, being on the make, cynical posteuring for short-term political gain and just generally never saying sorry for doing wrong.

I've been an observer of politics of the last 50 years (sometimes getting involved) knowing of decent men and women in the Labour Party. I do not share their views or their aims and goals but some of them have a core decency for doing good. Teddy Taylor once said he had many friends on the opposite side and Ken Clarke has been known to enjoy a beer or two with John Prescott, mulling over old jazz records! Personal relationships can be foged acroos the political divide.

However, it is exceedingly difficult when respect for your oppnents is at a very low ebb. Alice Mahon will have a new life outside the Labour Party now. It hasn't done Clare Short much harm and she left for pretty much the same reasons.

Met Police were politically fishing for Smith!

The days are ticking by for this wretched government. All spin and deceit big time, they are. Gordon Brown eventually says sorry for the disgusting emails one of his creepy entourage sent to Derek Draper about senior Conservatives. He seemed totally at loss to realise the damage this kind of thing does to society.

Now we are told that the police who burst into Damian Green's office were actually using the event as an opportunity to rifle his files to check up on any personal contact he may have had with Liberty director Shami Chakrabarti, who is a regular critic of the government.

This shows all the hallmarks of a clumsy administration putting clumsy pressure on a willing police force. Damian Green, who is the Conservative immigration spokesman, said, "This feels to me like a fishing expedition on somebody who embarrasses the government of the day. That's very disturbing. To have the police searching for contacts between opposition politicians and civil liberties campaigners isn't something anyone should feel comfortable with."

No, I don't and that's why I'm highlighting it here. Pity I can't use searchlights!

Max Clifford enters the G20 fray!

I am beginning to feel that this G20 protest disaster will end up with false accusations and money-driven publicity obscuring the facts. Max Clifford's name is now in the frame! He is representing the young woman who alleges she was struck violently by a police officer during the protests in London.

She may well have a legitimate grievance. But what does she think she will achieve by introducing Max Clifford to the scene? Is it that his high profile will jerk the IPCC into action? Or get some fellow police officer to start talking to the press? Or, heaven forfend, she wants to "sell her story"! It is a very disturbing course of events.

We need to return to proper accountability for the actions of public bodies. There is much that can be done to expose the cover-up condition that has infected public officials (and corporate types, for that matter!), but dangling the prospects of media cashpiles into people's lives is another matter entirely.

It may be that Max Clifford is seeking to do all this pro bono, for the sake of the nation. I somehow doubt it. We are getting a kind of trial by YouTube evidence. Public speculation before any lawful trial. All this could be stopped in its tracks if the culture of society is changed.

No more cover-ups by public officials will mean that these long drawn out media exposees are consigned to the wast paper basket. I am hoping so, anyway.

Ian Tomlinson G20 death - police officer faces manslaughter charge

The Daily Telegraph is reporting that the police officer at the centre of the Ian Tomlinson attack may face manslaughter charges. Following on from what I have been thinking about modern policing, the facts seem to suggest that, had there been no video footage of the attack, this police officer would never have come under investigation.

The police are like all other agencies today. The first instinct is to cover-up, then spin a denial, then admit that "something may have happened". Every fibre of the New Labour state is of this persuasion. It is not right. Definitely not.

Paul King, Mr Tomlinson's stepson, has said, "First we were told that there had been no contact with the police, then we were told that he died of a heart attack; now we know that he was violently assaulted by a police officer and died from internal bleeding. As time goes on we hope that the full truth about how Ian died will be made known".

It's like pulling teeth, Paul!

Casey Obama - railroading through at high speed!

You've got to hand it to Barack Obama. He's coming up with ideas faster than Sir Alan Sugar on The Apprentice. The latest is for the USA to return to its railroad days, this time with a network of high speed trains.

"My high-speed rail proposal will lead to innovations that change the way we travel in America. We must start developing clean, energy-efficient transportation that will define our regions for centuries to come," Obama said. "A major new high-speed rail line will generate many thousands of construction jobs over several years, as well as permanent jobs for rail employees and increased economic activity in the destinations these trains serve. High-speed rail is long overdue, and this plan lets American travelers know that they are not doomed to a future of long lines at the airports or jammed cars on the highways." I say hear, hear to that. Stuck in a car going nowhere with the Georgia sun stiffling your brains is no joy. The sun should be for enjoyment such as relaxing on the beach at Tybee Island!

So Casey Obama is going to get the trains on the move again. Some places may get a completely new life. I think it's a great idea. But for a more erudite explanation than I could give read this blog.

Policing the police!

Last night on Newsnight Jeremy Paxman leant across the table and huffed, "I thought you Tories were in favour of the police!". Damian Green quite rightly replied that in most situations that was correct. He had just been confirming that a police officer had suggested that he "faced life in jail if convicted of misconduct in a public office". Green said that he thought it "absurd" that such a thing had been said.

No right-minded Conservative is going to give the police a blank cheque to do or say whatever they want. On this occasion the officer who made the remark was being gratuitously menacing. It is this kind of behaviour that is getting the police a bad name.

Jacqui Smith is a hopeless Home Secretary. She does not appear concerned with the underlying problems that current policing is throwing up. It's bad enough for high-horse civil servants to use the "national security" card, but it's worse that the law enforcement agencies lack common sense and get into a lackey-type mentality of pleasing their political mistress.

What comes out of the Damian Green affair is that there was a crude attempt to scare him witless and there was a clumsy attempt to use the criminal law where civil law should have been used. This has been a divisive action.

It comes in the wake of the police raid on environmental protesters. 114 people were rounded up at a school at around midnight. Police found large amounts of equipment, including food and various devices used for climbing, cutting and locking on to machinery. They concluded that Radcliffe-on-Soar Power Station was going to be attacked. Quite properly, they felt arrests should be made. My troubling point is this. The police keep telling us they have "information obtained" but it appears that they cannot make arrests because the "evidence" isn't forthcoming. The same is happening with the Lancashire "terrorist" raid.

It's all a bit like schooldays. A teacher is lambasting the pupils because a personal belonging has been apparently stolen from a fellow pupil. "Who took Jones' satchel?" Nobody speaks! Silence ensues, with much eye contact to see who cracks first. When nobody does the teacher finally departs extremely miffed that his "informant" came up with duff stuff!

All these actions lead to mistrust on both sides. The police have a duty to keep us all free from crime and anti-social behaviour. The public has a duty to act as responsible citizens. But we now have so much blurring of the boundaries. The police have become politically corrected and some sections of the public feel only direct action works. We could end up like two sets of dogs in a park, eyeing each other up. That happened a bit at the G20 demonstrations. Some officers "up for it" and sporadically attacking the crowd. The police went into cover-up mode. Would their actions have come to light without YouTube?

Damian Green will not be charged

I am pleased that the Director of Public Prosecutions has seen fit to decide that Damian Green will not face a prosecution. If anyone should be prosecuted, it's the Home Secretary. For crimes against the Nation!

What I find very sad is that the people in public office under New Labour seem to be pulling the senses of honour and integrity apart. It's as if they are in a tug of war contest. Keir Starmer is the DPP. He said there was "insufficient evidence" on Mr.Green and Home Office worker Christopher Galley, who passed on the information. That's a euphemism that's always used when they can't pin anything on the person that's being accused. Mr. Starmer went on to say, there was "evidence upon which a jury might find that there was damage to the proper functioning of the Home Office" which "should not be underestimated". This is a kind of dig at Mr. Green.

If Mr. Starmer thinks this then he has put the cart before the horse big time. The Home Office has never "functioned properly" under this outfit, particularly under the tutelage of Madame Smith. That is the very point that we, as a nation, should not underestimate.

Nurse struck off for being too caring!

Who is Linda Read? You may well ask! She is one of the slaves to the cover-up society that we live in today. Along with that she is, or was, the chair of the panel set up by the Nursing and Midwifery Council to see whether Margaret Haywood, a 58-year old nurse, should be struck off for misconduct.

What was her crime? Revealing in a film that elderly patients were being neglected. Apparently nobody would listen (what's new?) to her reporting of the matter so she involved herself in a Panorama film.

This was too much for the midwife high command. Nobody breaks ranks, they cried! So Mrs.Haywood was in for the chop.

I just find it amazing that people like Linda Read can sleep at nights. I do not know the woman, but she represents the growing cancer in our midst. It's called getting away with blue murder! Instead of striking Mrs Haywood off she should have been given a medal. But then I live in a parallel universe from these drones.

Mrs Hayward said, "I was convinced that it was the right thing to do at the time as, in fact, I had reported the issues and nothing had been done. I felt I owed it to the people on the ward." You did, indeed.

Linda Read on the other hand admits, "Although the conditions on the ward were dreadful, it was not necessary to breach confidentiality to seek to improve them by the method chosen." She then concludes that Mrs Hayward never attempted to report the matter through the proper channels. She was guilty and her action was "fundamentally incompatible with being a nurse".

I'd say being in a neglected state in a uncaring hospital was everyone's nightmare for their elderly loved ones. Perhaps Linda Read puts her rules and regulations before that? What a world!

Big breasts are "inappropriate detail" says ITV

ITV has suddenly gone all prudish. I watched Britain's Got Talent on Saturday with my daughter. I have to say that, at first, I thought those Union Jack squares on her ample chest were part of the act. I then thought Piers Morgan's goggle eyes, however, suggested something else. I realised later this was the producer's version of the pixilated face.

Fabia Carrera's act was very comical, very entertaining and she could sing passably. Looking again at the scene on ITV Player, it is rather tame. If 40 people want to complain because they are "feeling" for the audience in the theatre then altruism is really in the stratisphere. There was nothing the viewer saw that could possibly alarm the cat, let alone an ITV viewer!

So we get a sickly statement from ITV about "inappropriate detail". Ofcom is examining the show to see if a full investigation is needed. Don't waste your time! There are far more serious problems to sort out.

As I say, I watched this show. I get the impression that the performers are the ones that need bucket loads of praise just for going on. The audience is whipped up to a frenzy. The judges are a trio of egotists with brittle personalities. Simon Cowell has made a fortune from this despite his cynicism. He nearly buzzed the Greek dancing act and tried, with singular lack of humour, to suggest he always thought they were good. He was very trite with the young clown from Glasgow saying that nobody liked clowns. That's arrant nonsense and I hope she saw it as such. Susan Boyle stunned the audience but not before they were pictured mocking her. At least Amanda Holden owned up to her own preconceived notions. Susan Boyle may yet win. Talent is usually skin deep on ITV, but she is going to prove that talent has nothing much to do with the outer appearance.

Britain has got talent and it is the determined that will get past the acerbic remarks to succeed. As for big breasts bothering people, well, how about the ITV bigwigs taking a stroll round London on a warm sunny day. You'll see more on show than Fabia Carrera's charms!

Saudi sins against children!

I know of many good Muslims who are completely baffled by some adherents to Islam. The Saudis are the keepers of most of the many Islamic shrines and therefore hold that they have a right to determine what is Islamic and what is not.

A Saudi court has seen fit to allow a girl of 8 to "marry" a man of sixty! This on the condition that he does not have sex with her until she reaches puberty. Some condition.

I think this has nothing to do with a religious understanding, nothing whatsoever to do with God's designs in the world. It is all about the power and corruption of a very despicable regime that has usurped religion, trodden on the humanity of its people and conned the world into buying oil at inflated prices.

I know this is going to be lost on such men as this benighted "judge", but Jesus said that anyone who did wrong to children would be better off having a millstone round his neck and being flung into the depths of the ocean. Warning indeed!

President Obama has been urged to lead the way. Perhaps he could start by denouncing this evil and suggesting that Saudi Arabia shapes up by joining the civilised world. Roll on the electric car!

Teachers' pets bite back!

This never happened to Doris Day. When she was Teacher's Pet she was demure and very docile. Er-hum! Fast forward to the present day and we have a load of jaw-snapping children apparently biting teacher at any opportune moment. Even a crocodile would find it hard to understand.

Only human behaviour is like this. Animals never bite the hand that feeds them, unless of course the human spooks them! A teachers' union conference has been told that biting in special schools is "quite a big issue". Suzanne Nantcurvis said, "Due to the nature of the assaults they face, often teachers in special schools have to have vaccines such as tetanus and hepatitis B. I know that for some colleagues this has come at a personal cost of around £80 for a hepatitis B injection."

This is outrageous. The trouble is that as we "progress" towards a more secularised and selfish society, the libertines are placing all manner of crazy rules and regulations in our way. The risk of facing accusations as a result of managing such violent incidents left staff "worried sick", said Ms Nantcurvis. I have no doubt. False allegations are not uncommon. Money rears its ugly head.

Fifty years ago I was starting out on a wonderful education. There was discipline, but there was fun. We had "in loco parentis", something quite lost on today's educational establishment. Teachers now appear to be hostages on some kind of Guantanomo Camp for the educationally-challenged. Ed Balls carries on with his sats and his stats, but none of it will be of any use.

You can teach a dog to do tricks but you can't educate it. Education, I was told, is about "leading out". Basic Latin reveals it is duco not docio. In a country with an ever-increasing number of sleazy politicians, corrupt bankers, immoral TV producers and greedy people in general, is it any wonder that children are biting their teachers!

No woman, no flight!

Bob Marley could have written a tune about it. A distressed cabin crew boss is suing her employer because he allegedly forced her to employ only young, slim, single women to crew the private aircraft of his charter company. Alexandria Proud, from London, is claiming unfair constructive dismissal by charter aircraft firm Gama Aviation. That's the nub of all these disputes. Did the employer "construct" a policy of selective screening? Miss Proud says, "The successful candidate would be female, physically attractive, aged 18 to 30, single and no larger than a size 12." So if that was the criteria what were these young women employed to do exactly?

She says she was verbally abused by the company owner, Alireza Ittehedeh, who she claims did not support her. Mr.Ittehedeh would not permit her to employ male flight attendants who he believed to be gay, so she says.

What I gather is that Gama Aviation, as gleaned from its website, is aimed at American, British, French, Arab, and Russian corporate types. The majority of these customers could be described as male, macho and meaning business. It's not surprising that Mr.Ittehedeh may have thought they would expect female, physically attractive, 18 to 30, single and no larger than a size 12, women to be offering drinks and dainty morsels at every request.

My answer to this case is that Miss Proud found the pool from which to recruit exceedingly small and Mr.Ittehedeh's perceived or otherwise views on gays became a paramount issue. He may well have favoured women only as a business reason and he may well not favour gays, but his stance is little different from the 1950's version of flying.

There is something to be said for the anti-discrimination laws but sometimes it gets out of hand. Not all male flight attendants are gay, by a long stretch. Not all flying executives expect to be waited upon as if Peter Stringfellow was in charge of events. Common sense leaves the plane and both sides settle down to stoking up the accusation level. So we end up with pay-offs and not a lot else.

I'm not sure many gay men would be queuing up for such a job, but neither should they be refused just because of a perception. If only all employers ran companies with an eye on the "triangle". A business relies on three parts - the customers, the employees and the shareholders being in a win-win situation and meeting at the centre. Start to pull the centre towards one part and trouble begins.

Weasel McBride!

You have to hand it to these toerags in the New Labour coterie. Instead of a fullsome apology this half-witted apparatchik starts his resignation statement by attacking Paul Staines. Why on earth? Because his grubby little plans were found out? Come off it, McBride! Are you not man enough to make a proper statement?

His first words are, "I am shocked and appalled that, however they were obtained, these e-mails have been put into the public domain by Paul Staines."

No, no, NO!! We are shocked and appalled that you see fit to write such a set of weasel words and think for one minute that this is enough. It is not!

McBride's resignation statement.

Standing up for Texas!

The rumblings within the states against overbearing federal interference is making its mark. Texas has laid down a gauntlet. Governor Perry is backing the resolution affirming Texas Sovereignty under the 10th Amendment. This signifies to me the way in which written constitutions can unravel and the unravelling will be strongest in Texas.

Once the former Governor of Queensland, Australia, Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen (a man of Danish background) said this, concerning the sacking of the federal premier Gough Whitlam. "What I say is this! First it's God, then the Queen, then Queensland, then Australia!" Gough Whitlam wasn't given much credence. Something similar could be said of Texas. "What we say is this! First it's God, then Texas!" Washington may have to think more carefully.

GM Chairman Says Bankruptcy Looms

It doesn't seem to be getting much better for the car industry. GM Motors teeters on the edge looking bankruptcy in the face. I would have thought it best to let them fall off the cliff. The wreckage will be a lot less difficult to salvage than it would be to keep the present show on the road.

It's not as if Americans won't buy cars again. They just don't want the ones that cost too much to buy and to run. A new phoenix rising from the tangled mess will be a far better beast. Perhaps a couple of phoenixes or more.

People will only buy cars if they feel good about it. At the moment they don't. But as the Indians have shown, if you price it right you will keep the market. And we should not forget that Sam Walton (pictured above) got rich driving old bangers about and wearing Wal-Mart clothing!

Addicts may not receive benefits

When I read what the obsequious James Purnell was up to, I thought (in a fit of crazed fantasy!) that he was suggesting that parliamentary expenses addicts, such as the McNulty Man, Jacqui Smith and others, would have their benefit cheating existence curtailed.

Now what gave me that idea!?!

No, the hapless Purnell (the fake photo fellow) is about to drive through legislation aimed at depriving alcoholics and drug addicts from receiving state benefits if they do not receive treatment. Liberal Democrat work and pensions spokesman Steve Webb has said the plans were "no more than typical New Labour posturing". Hear, hear to that. He added, "Threatening to deprive people of their basic benefits unless they recover from alcoholism is fundamentally inhumane. There are far too few support services for alcoholics, and there is no evidence that people who are threatened in this way are more likely to seek help." None whatsoever.

The likes of McNulty have been threatened with their benefits being stopped, but they show no sign of seeking help or changing their ways.

Pot calling the kettle black, I say!

e-muck on the web!

Gordon Brown must be wondering what politics can do to him next. I get the impression that he hasn't got the right kind of control over these No.10 apparatchiks. He goes about now expressing "much regret" and says he is calling for a tighter aides' code of conduct. My goodness, has the man seen this code? It's as tight as it should be.

The Easter break was a time of self-imposed restriction for me. No blogging over the festivities. But it's a hell of strain when we've got such a Jekyll and Hyde prime minister. So I'm back in harness, raring to go. Lance Price, a former BBC reporter turned New Labour spin doctor who spun himself out of a job, thinks there are too many bloggers like me. Those on the right, that is.

We are only here to carp at the Government. Well, yes, but also no. I don't see this as an attack blog, more of one that highlights palpable corruption, spin and deceit. The very fact that these made-up stories, that the creepy Damian McBride thought was good stuff, were being hatched inside No.10 is something we should all be concerned about.

Gordon Brown sounds like a man who is like a startled rabbit in the headlights of McBride's car. All something he knew nothing about until it suddenly came round the corner. But I can't take that on face value. People like McBride don't act like this unless they think or assume that their boss will be pleased as punch with the outcome.

What is wrong here is that the seedy corruption that is New Labour (oh, for the Old Labour decency of men like Eric Heffer!) is all below the belt stuff. Frances Osborne, the shadow chancellor's wife, should never have had such digusting stuff made up about her. Have a go, politically, at her husband if you want, but keep out of the gutter, please!

The leery face of Derek Draper rises out of all this. I imagine Mr.Draper has a very good side to him, otherwise he would or could not possibly get past Kate Galloway. But this episode shows up the unattractive side of the New Labour machine. I hardly dare suggest there is an attractive side. In fact, if I racked my brains all night, I'd be hard pressed to come up with anything decent this shower has done.

Far from being criticised, those of us who blog from the right should be given some credit. In this, the credit goes to Guido Fawkes for uncovering this scandal. It's his sort of reporting that puts him at the top of the bloggers' list (No.2, I think). We've had no words of regret from Draper or McBride. Gordon Brown is trying to distance himself from the stormdrains.

The Conservatives are right to demand a fullsome apology from the prime minister. This time he just has to say sorry.

It's a con! - Vote Labour!

Convicts are to be given the vote, or they will if this New Labour shower get their way. Not content with fiddling the crime statistics, letting rapists go free, and generally cocking the whole penal system up, they are now cosying up to the cons in the vain hope that these miscreants will turn out in their droves to vote Labour.

I would never vote Labour even if I was in dire need. They used to be all suspect with their Red Flag singing, nationalisation fever, and their general sense of envy laced with the odd spasms of hatred and malice. It was the Class War! Then they got all priggish and turned into some Pink version of the red variety. A bit like choosing cans of salmon in the supermarket.

Ministers imply they have been forced to lift the traditional ban on inmates voting to comply with a European court ruling. Why on earth? On this occasion why don't they just ignore it. It is utterly preposterous that a foreign court can carry on like this.

Along with the cons, it will be those European Court judges lining up to vote. We'll get regime change not because we voted for it but because a whole phalanx of petty crooks, drug smugglers and legal eagles have swamped the ballot stations!

Are we mad?

And he went quickly!

The look on Jacqui Smith's face said it all. My prediction last night was not rocket science. One woman who's career seems to hang on threads was in no position to pontificate on one man's "extremely unfortunate" mistake.

We all make mistakes. What matters is how we deal with them. Bob Quick has done the honourable thing. However, he must have considerable strengths that overcome his weaknesses and perhaps he could be put to better use detecting fraud and arrant misbehaviour in the hierachy of the financial world. That needs a good broom taken to it!

Thongs away! Virgin takes flight!

You have to hand it to Sir Richard Branson and his Virgin empire. They know about publicity. In an attempt to give Qantas a run for its money, if not its life, Virgin Australia is trying to end Qantas' domination of the Brisbane to Los Angeles route.

Aussies (and no doubt Americans too!) will be offered all kinds of incentives, such as free thongs, ladies-only loos, two in-flight bars and mood lighting. By the time they get to LA they may need to ready themselves for the rigours of entry into the USA.

"What is the purpose of your visit to the United States? Business or pleasure?" Dressed in a free thong, having relaxed under the mood lighting, you'd need your wits about you, that's for sure!

PS. Thongs seem to be very much in the in thing, what with teachers and others!

Berlusconi is a latin loudmouth!

What is it with Signor Berlusconi, the lira (euro) fiddling Prime Minister of Italy. Childishly he shouts at President Obama during a G20 photo shoot at Buckingham Palace. The Queen was not amused.

He makes cheesy jokes about Obama being suntanned! Actually, they are not worthy of being called jokes. Now he has gone beyond the pale. He thinks that the earthquake victims of L'Aquila should think of themselves as being on a "camping weekend". 260 people dead, 100 critically injured, and 17,000 made homeless, and he thinks they should all be in Hi-de-Hi mood.

The man is nothing but a latin loudmouth.

Drumming up the Public Debt on bongo drums!

In the middle of a recession and everyone is thinking about the dire economic mess..... Well, not everyone. Some in the government have got Fred Goodwin Syndrome. It has been thought necessary to send government vets on country-wide one-day conferences. These include such topical subjects as learning to play bongo drums.

Shadow environment secretary Nick Herbert said of this nonsense, "It's incredible that when the nation's budget deficit is soaring and British farming faces a serious animal health challenge in bovine TB, the government thinks it's necessary to teach its vets how to play bongo drums. It's these useless Defra ministers who need their heads banging together to stop wasting public money and deal with this dreadful disease, which left unchecked is costing millions of pounds and increasing animal suffering."

But being stupid is an essential part of a modern CV. As is being greedy, being rude, and being selfish. Nice work if you can get it!

I really hope that when this ghastly government has gone to the knacker's yard, the Conservatives have the good sense to play a straight bat and never get involved in such spendthrift nonsense as these politically-correct prigs and prize cretins do.

Bob Quick to go quickly!

I don't think I'm that gaffe free myself, but I do reckon that if I was going to a meeting with top secret stuff for the Prime Minister, I wouldn't stick it loosely on the front of a folder for any snapping photographer to see. My goodness, sensitive information casually placed on the front of a folder! How many other people saw this before the cameras did? His driver? The cleaning lady?

Before Jacqui Smith got her beady eyes on the papers, Bob Quick's gaffe was all over the place and the Merseyside police were "bringing forward" their operations.

It's not in the league of a poacher turning gamekeeper, it's more like the gamekeeper tripping up over the poacher's traps. Bob Quick needs to think of something else to do. By the time tomorrow comes he will have gone, quickly!

Tony Blair takes Pick 'n Mix to Church!

Tony Blair has not been long in the Roman Catholic Church before he is questioning the Pope's authority and casting aspersions on some of the laity. He reckons some older Catholics have "entrenched attitudes" whilst most congregations in his opinion were more "liberal-minded". He's talking of the subject of homosexuality.

His idea of entrenched attitudes is probably about those that adhere to traditional teaching. If he observes that some, both "liberal" and not, are prone to be stand-offish to those they disagree with, then he may be right. But it's a bit rich for him to be demanding that religious leaders must start "rethinking" the issue.

Is the Pope to head up a Blairite commission on the issue? I sincerely hope not. The stuff of nightmares! The Church is not some kind of New Labour think tank.

Tony Blair may rail against certain things, but a casual interpretation is very damaging. His inteviewer asks the question, "Can you foresee a situation where in your lifetime or mine, we would have a pro-gay Pope, for example?"

Blair responds, "I don't know, is the honest answer. I don't know. Look, there are many good and great things the Catholic Church does, and there are many fantastic things this Pope stands for, but I think what is interesting is that if you went into any Catholic church, particularly a well-attended one, on any Sunday here and did a poll of the congregation, you'd be surprised at how liberal-minded people were." That's it - all polls and focus groups! He implies by innuendo that the Pope is "anti-gay". This is a gross calumny.

The Church is totally opposed to cruel and hateful attacks on anybody, including those of a homosexual orientation. But it can never compromise the sacraments to suit the passing needs of society.

Scrubbers to replace hospital chaplains?

The National Secular Society is at it again. Popping up to take a pop at the religious of this country. This time it's about hospital chaplains. NSS president Terry Sanderson thinks that the money spent on employing the chaplains, about £40m, is equivalent to employing 1,300 nurses or 2,645 cleaners. So he would like the chaplains to push off or to be paid by the Church.

I get the feeling that the NSS is a bit like a group of disgruntled passengers on the Titantic. They have just been told that there are not enough life boats, so rather than a few being saved, they would like the ship to sink with all lives lost. Sound harsh and unpleasant? Probably, but there does not appear to be a week now when we do not hear from the Secularists.

Of course, they have been given a morale boosting shot in the arm that no nurse or hospital cleaner could achieve. They have the whole panoply of New Labour "newness" on their side. All politically correct, genderised, and raring to go. In fact, New Labour social policy has all the hallmarks of greyhound racing. We, the hapless public, take on the role of the rabbit whilst they are the salivating greyhound. It's all too exhausting!

"Shoot me down!" - Pilot prays to US fighter jets!

As Barack Obama is in Turkey, telling assembled students in Istanbul how forward looking the United States is, a backward looking Canadian gets visions of the Wild West mixed up in some kind of Star Wars movie.

A man stole a plane from an airport in Canada and flew to the United States hoping that US fighter jets would shoot him down. He lacked the courage to commit suicide so had the brainwave that the US authorities would send him to the next world without a single doubt.

I think Mr.Obama should revisit Canada to advise potential suicides that America is not a free clinic for such stuff and is, in fact, very much opposed to allowing Star Wars type endings for people. The very idea is preposterous!

G20 police hit man who dies of heart attack!

The police operating on the day of the G20 summit were on "high alert" but some seem like trigger happy characters about to be let out as jack-in-the-boxes. The Guardian has obtained footage of a policeman giving an innocent bystander a two-handed push to the ground. This man subsequently died of a heart attack.

As the policing of London, and elsewhere for that matter, comes under scrutiny again, it seems that there are officers who are "up for it". The footage may not be conclusive but it does show a man being violently pushed to the ground. No doubt the officer who did it is rueing the day.

Policing violent demonstrations is not an easy thing, but I have my doubts that the police behaved in an exemplary way throughout. The media has reported that some heavy handed tactics were used in places. We want firm but fair policing, not some replica of a stormtroopers' convention.

The result is a grieving widow, the IPPC delving into it all, and a very unpleasant after effect all round. Mr.Tomlinson, the man who died, was just walking home. If only that was all that happened!

Hunting for Tory support!

Hunting has been one of the emotive political issues all my life. Mostly it was not about the fox, or even the hens, but there was always a lot of pious clucking from the so called League Against Cruel Sports. Mostly they were against the people behind the hunting. The toffs, as they called them. It was a back door attack on "privilege".

Once, in rural Yorkshire where my maternal family lived for a while, an uncle was walking along a road. A stiff-necked woman on a horse came by and asked, "Hev you seen hounds?" to which my uncle replied, "I saw some dogs running by."

He had a lofty disdain for hunting, but was quite prepared to let the nature of the countryside find its own way. Now the Conservative Party is considering a free vote in Parliament should they get elected at the next election. Edward Garnier, a shadow justice minister, says, "Most people at the moment are not interested in hunting, they're interested in the economy. But I'm finding there is a gathering sense of support for this repeal." Now that may well be. But he should heed his sense in the lack of interest.

I would caution against a precipitous course of action after the election. Minds must be focused on cleaning up the economic mess left by the New Labour whelk stallholders. A mess caused by anti-hunting demonstrators would be distraction indeed.

Far better to get on and accept certain things as they are. A High Court ruling has been made which basically makes it harder to prosecute huntsmen. Judges are interpreting the law in such a way as to make prosecutions meaningless. In fact, the Act is a Blairite piece of legal nonsense. "You can't hunt - it's banned! But you can ride horses, chase foxes, flush them out, and only despatch them if you have reasonable cause to think they might be about to attack livestock". It has all the hallmarks of Tony Blair's Alice in Wonderland approach to politics.

I really do hope the Tories have better sense than to ignite the passions of hotheads who can join forces with other hotheads to foment trouble.

Breaking wind is a yellow card event!

Fancy a game of football? I never did really. It always seemed a complete waste of time trying to kick a ball towards the goalkeeper only for it to go winging back the other end.

I well remember being on the football pitch at my prep school. A boy with similar inclinations (football fatigue, that is!) came up to be and said, knowingly, "Mr.Evans farts during games!". "Does he?", I replied, thinking this was something no adult ever did, but suddenly acquiring a curiosity that no cat ever had. For the rest of the game I ran around very close to Mr.Evans trying to keep up. He must have thought I'd had a renewed interest in team games. However, his flatulence betrayed him that day and I felt that the message was another schoolboy joke. A few games later Mr.Evans, decked out in pre-war soccer stuff, was all eager to get going. We ran about for a bit and played a normal game. Then the whistle blew for half time and the oranges were brought on. All part of the mystique! During the break, I was reminded of the farting possibilities. I scoffed at such a suggestion. However, to my amazement, during the second half Mr.Evans suddenly got the spasms and some noisy eruptions were heard by me. I couldn't contain myself and ran to tell my friend. "I told you so!", he replied, as if to emphasise his lofty knowledge of such things. It was all bit Just William like, but it was one more thing learnt about the world.

Recently, on a health advice programme, this doctor suggested that farting was perfectly normal. Just do it, was her advice to a young woman who was beside herself with embarrassment. Since my prostrate probing operation, I have found such anxietiess do exist. And they still cause problems on the football pitch.

Chorlton Villa were playing International Manchester FC. A Chorlton Villa player broke wind as penalty was being taken. The referee heard the offending noise and declared it to be "ungentlemanly conduct". He ordered the penalty to be retaken and the farting player got a yellow card for his troubles.

Villa manager Ian Treadwell said their conduct was "normally exemplary". "One of our players 'broke wind' and only the referee heard it and he booked the player," he said. "The other player had the penalty saved because it was a bad penalty; it was nothing to do with any noise. They were as shocked as we were as to why."

The difference here is all about who does wind-breaking. In my experience, it was OK for the referee to run about farting as this had little to do with the game. But a player cannot fart as this can be classed as a distraction, especially when a penalty is being taken.

The Football Association is going to look into the matter after receiving a report. It will probably be a load of hot air about a very natural bodily function. The thing is whether it was a deliberate action or simple muscular stress. Solomon would have difficulty adjudicating that one!

Miss Rusty teaches fantastically and gets sacked!

In another teacher row, the powers-that-be (mainly self-righteous politically-correct prigs!) have deemed a sexual fantasy too much for pupils to bear. This teacher, known as Miss Rusty (her name is Leonora Rustamova) wrote an account in a book of pupils' sex fantasies, flirting and truancy. This has had a devastating impact in the real world, where fantasies of this kind are not allowed. No, the real fantasies are those like the ones Gordon Brown has at G20 summits. All fantastic!

So she gets sacked. Has anyone complained about her book? No! In fact, there have been mass demonstrations by pupils and a campaign by parents to have her reinstated, along with another teacher who was also dismissed for supporting her. This draconian Calvinistic action was deemed appropriate, but I think it smacks of the worst kind of Yorkshire nonconformism.

Have these people ever read the Song of Solomon in the Bible? Their action is a lot of pious nonsense. We had all that with Lady Chatterly's Lover. The judge asking if it was a book that his butler could read and all the rest of it.

Pornography? Some say it's in the mind. I think there should be a sense of proportion. We are being held to ransom in this country by an unelected army of pen-pushing poseurs all hell-bent on their gender studies and politically correct poison. The real pornography carries on regardless.

We are fools to let it continue!

"A very Jade Goody event"

Max Clifford's getting maximum publicity out of Jade Goody. He's a bit like the sheriff of an Old Wild West town, sticking up posters which start "Wanted - Dead or Alive!". With Jade Goody, he's getting her publicity work in life and in death.

He keeps saying "it's want she wanted" and no doubt that is true. But I have the feeling that when the two of them met it was like the neccessary requirements for volcanic activity. Hot molten desire meets thin crust. BOOM! We've got a road show, folks!

Clifford is notoriously prickly about people gainsaying his publicity motives and Jade Goody was equally beside herself with proving that she was not stupid. Both have actually provided us with a grand diversion from the crazed workings of the G20. Max Clifford, for all his personal axes that he grinds, is a doer and a getter. He met another person just like himself.

That is why she means so much to him. She was able to rise above adversity, above being mocked and was able to come back from the biggest press drubbing ever. Both of them know what little pillocks most press editors are and how capricious they can be. Both used the press in bad times as well as good.

Today Jade Goody has her funeral. It's on all TV stations in the UK, and it will be all over the Sunday papers tomorrow. As Benny Hill ended his Ernie song, we can end this life.

"We won't forget Jade!"