Midsomer Murders? No Gay, Black, Asian or Minority victims or perpetrators portrayed!

Shock Horror! Midsomer cops confronted by strange PCs

The producer of ITV1's Midsomer Murders has been suspended after saying the drama "wouldn't work" if there was racial diversity in the show. ITV's Political Correctness Unit has gone into an outrage of humbug over it. Quite OK for them to produce the show for so long, but NEVER EVER say there are no minorities. Talk about being in the closet!

Brian True-May, who co-created the series, told the Radio Times the long-running drama was a "last bastion of Englishness" and should stay that way. Of course, he is utterly right in his comments. This is all fictional fare that keeps many amused as they watch. Bemused too, no doubt. It isn't really serious. Yet you can't speak the bald truth in England anymore if it has anything to do with race, sex or a religion other than Christianity. You have to be sure not to offend the Stasi-like PC brigade.

Every sane person knows that Midsomer Murders is not set amongst the leafless lanes of East London. If you want Eastenders meets Poirot create something. So long as it's watchable, we'll watch.

Mr True-May added, "We just don't have ethnic minorities involved. Because it wouldn't be the English village with them. It just wouldn't work." Asked why "Englishness" could not include other races who are well represented in modern society, he said, "Well, it should do, and maybe I'm not politically correct. I'm trying to make something that appeals to a certain audience, which seems to succeed. And I don't want to change it."

The BBC says that a study in 2006 found the programme to be "strikingly unpopular" with viewers from ethnic minorities. Well, excuse me, if a load of Bollywood movies was stuck up on the screen, I'm sure that they would be "strikingly unpopular" with the vast majority. Not because that majority is made up of bigoted racists all foaming at the mouth, but because they genuinely may not like such TV.

Given the way the country is going, I'm sure that this may get some clamouring for Midsomer Murders to have a Taliban type hacking old ladies about, but I'm quite happy as it is. I watch the show. It doesn't make me a racist, or anything else.

It's just a television programme!

Nigel Havers walks out of jungle show

So Nigel Havers has decided to quit I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! This is the sort of show that I found great fun first time round but then it all got rather predictable. I watched the first episode of this series when the celebs met up with each other for the first time. Most didn't know each other, which kind of suggests that they are not all that famous.

Havers apparently got miffed about the treatment of contestants. Now Nigel, when was it any different on ITV? You were picked because the "management" thought we'd all have a good laugh at your expense. You were never meant to be a star of the show, just a commodity to make the advertisers feel that they were back in the good old days. I think Strictly Come Dancing would have been a far better bet, or maybe Come Dine With Me. But really the fact is that reality TV is all about revealing the unreality of it all. As Michael Winner might say, "It's only a TV show, darling!".

Piers Morgan to leave 'Britain's Got Talent'

According to the New Statesman, ITV talent contest 'Britain's Got Talent' judge Piers Morgan will not be a judge on the next series of the show as he is keen on focusing on his new CNN chat show. I thought we all new that, but what I didn't know was that the frightful James Corden would be in the frame as a replacement. Morgan is good at being posh brash and giving it a silver lining. Corden is vulgar brash without any real talent other than to be vulgar and brash. I hope ITV are not going down this route.

Leaders' Debate - Who won it? Seems it was Nick Clegg!

Just dragged myself away from interminable political opinion making on ITV1. The last speaker being Lord Pearson who has been given a slot for his views. Much of all this has been hyped up and the people most excited about it all are the TV companies and the pollsters. I think the level of excitement offered by the three leaders was less energised.

When this was first mooted (a leaders' debate) everyone thought David Cameron had most to lose as he was the more telegenic and that Gordon Brown had most to gain. In the event both were deemed to have been outshone by Nick Clegg. I think Clegg did well and his natural approach is obviously appealing. David Cameron's political content was mostly sound but his body language seemed at times to give away his nervousness. Gordon Brown got it one fairly good strike about the Conservative posters of himself smiling and Cameron's controlled smirk seemed to suggest he was ill at ease over Brown's newfound Cheshire cat routine. But I think the most telling thing for me was at the very end when they all shook hands. Brown was keen to leave the other two and go to the audience as friendly host thanking his guests. Cameron and Clegg spent few moments in exchanging words. They seemed relaxed in each other's company. Whilst only a fleeting period and one can't read too much into it, it would tend to give a little bit of support to the suggestion that the two could work well in any coalition arrangement.

The pollsters are now crunching the numbers, but they all seem to agree that Nick Clegg was the outright winner. Which will mean that, as William Hague rightly points out, the LibDems will come under greater scrutiny. I hope it will be by proper debate than by a kind of musical chairs game.

The Bill on the BBC?

ITV has dumped The Bill saying that audiences have fallen out of favour with the police series from Talkback Thames. Apparently viewing figures have declined, but this is hardly surprising since the programme was never on at a regular time. It tended to move around the schedules. According to Eric Richard, who played Sgt Bob Cryer, ITV used The Bill as knocking copy against the BBC's output. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Police dramas are popular, but they have to have a regular beat, otherwise viewers are lost.

When Granada was touted as possibly losing the northwest franchise of ITV, it was mooted that the BBC might pick up Coronation Street. Such a thought must have focused the minds of the ITV moguls and Granada stayed in place. However, the BBC has for many years had an arrangement with Granada (now simply ITV Studios) to make What The Papers Say, University Challenge and other programmes that ITV dropped unceremoniously.

So could the BBC cosy up to Talkback Thames and get a revitalised The Bill on BBC1? The company aready makes shows for the BBC so why not this one? Unless ITV has a golden armlock agreement, I can't see a problem. Maybe it has passed it's prime but Lorraine Heggessey, the boss of Talkback Thames, was taken aback by the decision to cancel the show.

If those people upset by the axing get up a head of steam, the BBC might be tempted!

Simon Cowell strictly against a ratings war

Simon Cowell has come out to say that he does not think that the BBC is doing a good thing by placing Strictly Come Dancing up against his X Factor show. This is not about sour grapes, it is just that Simon thinks that licence fee payers could enjoy both shows. He's a fan of Strictly so he's not grinding an axe here. Sounds all very plausible.

However, I sense he's got a bit of an ITV feather protruding from his impresario's hat. He is asking ITV to shift X Factor. Now there was a time when ITV, in the form of Granada, LWT or Thames Television, would relish the thought of humbling the BBC in a ratings war. Not anymore. Now we live in a recession, where TV advertisers are keen to see guaranteed audiences. With so much other than terrestrial television for people to watch, ITV is getting currant buns instead of a slice of the cake. It stands to reason advertisers want to keep ITV programmes in front of as many of the dwindling number of viewers as they can.

The BBC is not phased, though. They blame Merlin for the timing of Strictly. Simon Cowell and ITV may need their own wizard to conjure up a few tricks if they are to combat BBC spin!

Big breasts are "inappropriate detail" says ITV

ITV has suddenly gone all prudish. I watched Britain's Got Talent on Saturday with my daughter. I have to say that, at first, I thought those Union Jack squares on her ample chest were part of the act. I then thought Piers Morgan's goggle eyes, however, suggested something else. I realised later this was the producer's version of the pixilated face.

Fabia Carrera's act was very comical, very entertaining and she could sing passably. Looking again at the scene on ITV Player, it is rather tame. If 40 people want to complain because they are "feeling" for the audience in the theatre then altruism is really in the stratisphere. There was nothing the viewer saw that could possibly alarm the cat, let alone an ITV viewer!

So we get a sickly statement from ITV about "inappropriate detail". Ofcom is examining the show to see if a full investigation is needed. Don't waste your time! There are far more serious problems to sort out.

As I say, I watched this show. I get the impression that the performers are the ones that need bucket loads of praise just for going on. The audience is whipped up to a frenzy. The judges are a trio of egotists with brittle personalities. Simon Cowell has made a fortune from this despite his cynicism. He nearly buzzed the Greek dancing act and tried, with singular lack of humour, to suggest he always thought they were good. He was very trite with the young clown from Glasgow saying that nobody liked clowns. That's arrant nonsense and I hope she saw it as such. Susan Boyle stunned the audience but not before they were pictured mocking her. At least Amanda Holden owned up to her own preconceived notions. Susan Boyle may yet win. Talent is usually skin deep on ITV, but she is going to prove that talent has nothing much to do with the outer appearance.

Britain has got talent and it is the determined that will get past the acerbic remarks to succeed. As for big breasts bothering people, well, how about the ITV bigwigs taking a stroll round London on a warm sunny day. You'll see more on show than Fabia Carrera's charms!

Television nostalgia!

For those old enough to remember. UK Midlands and North ITV viewers, that is!

ABC presents.....

and the legendary Lew Grade's ATV. Sit back and, oh, it's Crossroads............