Teachers' pets bite back!

This never happened to Doris Day. When she was Teacher's Pet she was demure and very docile. Er-hum! Fast forward to the present day and we have a load of jaw-snapping children apparently biting teacher at any opportune moment. Even a crocodile would find it hard to understand.

Only human behaviour is like this. Animals never bite the hand that feeds them, unless of course the human spooks them! A teachers' union conference has been told that biting in special schools is "quite a big issue". Suzanne Nantcurvis said, "Due to the nature of the assaults they face, often teachers in special schools have to have vaccines such as tetanus and hepatitis B. I know that for some colleagues this has come at a personal cost of around £80 for a hepatitis B injection."

This is outrageous. The trouble is that as we "progress" towards a more secularised and selfish society, the libertines are placing all manner of crazy rules and regulations in our way. The risk of facing accusations as a result of managing such violent incidents left staff "worried sick", said Ms Nantcurvis. I have no doubt. False allegations are not uncommon. Money rears its ugly head.

Fifty years ago I was starting out on a wonderful education. There was discipline, but there was fun. We had "in loco parentis", something quite lost on today's educational establishment. Teachers now appear to be hostages on some kind of Guantanomo Camp for the educationally-challenged. Ed Balls carries on with his sats and his stats, but none of it will be of any use.

You can teach a dog to do tricks but you can't educate it. Education, I was told, is about "leading out". Basic Latin reveals it is duco not docio. In a country with an ever-increasing number of sleazy politicians, corrupt bankers, immoral TV producers and greedy people in general, is it any wonder that children are biting their teachers!