"A very Jade Goody event"

Max Clifford's getting maximum publicity out of Jade Goody. He's a bit like the sheriff of an Old Wild West town, sticking up posters which start "Wanted - Dead or Alive!". With Jade Goody, he's getting her publicity work in life and in death.

He keeps saying "it's want she wanted" and no doubt that is true. But I have the feeling that when the two of them met it was like the neccessary requirements for volcanic activity. Hot molten desire meets thin crust. BOOM! We've got a road show, folks!

Clifford is notoriously prickly about people gainsaying his publicity motives and Jade Goody was equally beside herself with proving that she was not stupid. Both have actually provided us with a grand diversion from the crazed workings of the G20. Max Clifford, for all his personal axes that he grinds, is a doer and a getter. He met another person just like himself.

That is why she means so much to him. She was able to rise above adversity, above being mocked and was able to come back from the biggest press drubbing ever. Both of them know what little pillocks most press editors are and how capricious they can be. Both used the press in bad times as well as good.

Today Jade Goody has her funeral. It's on all TV stations in the UK, and it will be all over the Sunday papers tomorrow. As Benny Hill ended his Ernie song, we can end this life.

"We won't forget Jade!"

Jade Goody dies

Reality is not what it was. Once upon a time it was knowing about life and growing up to appreciate it, in all its forms. Now, it seems, it means quite the opposite, especially to TV bosses. Reality to them is taking normal life and turning it upside down.

Jade Goody became rich and famous, vilified and valued, talked about, and generally discussed by all and sundry. A young woman catapulted into the limelight. The only person not to know of her in much detail was Gordon Brown. The PM referred to her as "Jane Goody" but that did not matter. We all knew who he was talking about.

Although she could be described as a "normal" person at one time, she came to live in the spotlight, much of it self-promoted. However, her death has been extraordinarily public. Many have criticised her. I would think they may not know why.

First of all she was ridiculed for "being thick" and then got at for "being a racist". She obviously believed she was neither and set out to prove them wrong. Her legacy will be that she is remembered for bravery and courage. For who would like cancer ravaging their liver, groin and bowel? The pain must have been excruciating at times, even with the drugs.

Then she will be remembered for her vitality. Her ability to stand up for herself. I'd say she didn't come across as thick at all. Maybe some were jealous of her?

The cervical cancer awareness barometer has shot up the scale. Cancer Research UK chief executive Harpal Kumar said of Jade Goody, "Her brave battle with an aggressive form of cervical cancer has received widespread public attention and encouraged thousands of women to seek advice on how to prevent the disease. She has done a great public service by raising awareness of the importance of screening during her last few months of life."

If she helps to save lives, even in death, that is some legacy. She has been a creature of her time. Limelight and fame. Like all of us, she has been a mixture of moods and personality traits. Unlike most of us, Jade Goody has been famous. She is now firmly embedded in the internet's maze and can be accessed at any time.

That seems to me to be the reality of it all.

There's a bat in my bra!

A young teenager from Norwich had a sensation in her bra for FIVE HOURS! Abbie Hawkins, 19, apparently felt a tingling sensation, but felt obliged to keep her mind on her work. As a hotel receptionist she needed to be poised and purposeful. Any unsightly wriggling would not be correct.

She thought it was caused by her vibrating mobile phone (which was obviously safely tucked away!) but she had second thoughts. It was all getting to her. She plucked up the courage to investigate. Wow! It was a baby bat in there. Snuggling up inside her 34FF bra. She was shocked but felt bad for removing the "cuddly" bat. "It looked cosy and comfortable and I was sorry for disturbing it," she said.

The bat was captured by one of her colleagues and released. And there the story ends. However, I think she missed an opportunity. She could have appeared on Richard & Judy. Richard would be well at home asking all manner of indelicate questions in a very delicate way. Judy would be empathising enthusiastically. The bat, bra and Abbie would be on their way. Big Brother would beckon, Sir Trevor Macdonald would mutter "and finally" and the trio could be a "brand" in no time.

But probably it was best that the bat went back to batting, the bra kept its composure, and Abbie has a tale to tell!