Jack Straw's House of Hayseeds

Jack Straw is meddling again. Not content with waiting to see what sort of House of Commons we get after the next election, he is muttering and murmuring about the House of Lords. He should leave well alone. An elected Lords in any form will be a disaster. Just a further tranche of politicians seeking the electorate's favours and friendship.

The likelihood is that the next general election will provide us with career politicians without fault or stain. Paragons of virtue with limited value in a democratic sense. I dread to think of the outcome. Never again will the House of Commons have mavericks, independent spirits or principled campaigners. We might as well have the whole House linked to a far-eastern call centre.

Now Jack Straw is a man of delusional thought when it comes to the House of Lords. He says, "A reformed second chamber could breathe new life into Parliament while protecting the fundamental primacy of the Commons". Not in a month of Sundays. A hybrid House will be a hybrid horror. Democracy will count for nothing. It is not democratic just to stuff the House of Lords with list-voted second-string politicians.

What is at stake is the loss of fine minds and those with a sense of contribution to give and a willingness to share knowledge. I cannot for the life of me think why it is wrong to have scientists, film directors, authors, playwrights, actors, farmers, diplomats, policeman et al in the House of Lords all giving some ability to revise legislaton, to impart some actual experience to aid parliamentary debate. Jack Straw, in some vainglorious attempt to ingratiate himself with the public by displaying "democratic credentials", just plays into the hands of those seeking to emasculate the second chamber.

I have no desire to have somebody knock on my door seeking election to a "revised chamber". Election for what exactly? To put my views forward? I have a MP for that and I can easily write to a peer on any subject under the sun. That's the great advantage of the House of Lords. Somebody knows about something. Yet Jack Straw, in his "Justice Secretary" role, keeps up this appalling mantra for change. "A reformed second chamber could breathe new life into Parliament while protecting the fundamental primacy of the Commons," he burbles. Hardly a change that will assist the country out of its current dire distress.

All that this will do, this crazy desire for change, will be to unleash a load of new politicians in pursuit of a reason to be there. They will squabble with MPs over who has democratic primacy, they will offer token revision of bills if they are government supporters and they will go to the cliff edge if they are not. According to Straw's plans, they will have fifteen years to do something and then go regardless.

If you want a constitutional crisis in the making, then vote for this second tier of wannabe governors. Tell Jack Straw you love the idea. My desire is for it to be left well alone. I've enough trouble worrying about the selection and election of on-message greasy pole sycophants to the House of Commons. That is the real problem facing the country. A 1984 intake in a 2010 election!

Iranian amateur ballot rigging

You have to hand it to Ahmadinnerjacket and his Interior Ministry goons. He's another brazen leader with all the democratic legitimacy of a cuckoo in a nest. His attempts at rigging the Iranian election would look a lot better if he hadn't given two of the losers 1% and 2% apiece. In such a hotly contested election, the result is more a joke than a serious attempt at ballot rigging. In that he has proved to be a shambolic amateur.

It is a sad reflection that for many human beings their whole lives are lived in countries run by despots and tinpot dictators. There isn't a person in the world that doesn't want personal freedoms and just to be left alone by the state. The likes of Ahmadinnerjacket, who looks like the worst kind of scruffy taxi driver you could be lumbered with, think they know best. They don't, but in this new world of American diplomacy, he's going to get away with it. I reckon we can be counting on more asylum seekers, and who could blame them?

Interestingly, Google confirms that the Iranian leader is to be called Ahmadinnerjacket if one is cheekily mocking his name. Any other form of spelling gets a rebuke from Google. "Did you mean Ahmadinnerjacket?" I surely did!

Mugabe goes soft in the head!

Not only is Robert Mugabe an accomplished voterigger, he's also an umblemished bullshitter and a political bamboozler of the first order. He's an old man that's got more vinegary, more angry, and more wicked as his memory twists his brain. Now he's just made the worst calculation of his life.

Morgan Tsvangirai is a perfectly mild-mannered man. Considering he won the election, he's been very civil and kind towards Mugabe. Mugabe's not been kind to Mr.Tsvangirai, having had the MDC leader brutally beaten and generally treated very nastily over the years. Morgan Tsvangirai said Mugabe could live out a good life, he wouldn't be prosecuted and things could be worked out, etc. Not any more. Now it's perfectly possible for Mugabe to meet with a fate far worse that sitting out in a deckchair gazing at the failed crops and crumbling buildings. Why? Because those that told Tsvangirai that things could change, that is telling Mugabe the game was up, ratted on the deal. What idiots. Didn't they see what happened to that dozy dictator, Caucescu? Mugabe's got a few sleepless nights coming up!

Mugabe has the cheek to say, "We, not the British, established democracy, based on one person, one vote". Fantasist! One person means Robert Mugabe, one vote means his and his alone. Because if he can ignore an election result all the other votes are meaningless.

Herald headlines should read - "Mugabe meets Humpty Dumpty to swap notes". That's the real world of Zimbabwean government thinking.

Robert Mugabe - King of the Voteriggers!

Voterigging is not something that happens just in Zimbabwe. It has been a problem in the neighbouring council to me - in Birmingham. Ballot abuses are not unknown in England. Northern Ireland has had its share of dead men going to the polls. George Bush managed to get the Florida vote tweaked in 2000. Italy is a problem that needs a whole book on the subject. But nobody beats Zimbabwe and Bob the Ballot Rigging Man!

There used to be a saying in London about a suspect person, "He's got more front than Sainsbury's!". In Mugabe's case, I reckon he's trying to pass Sainsbury's off as Tesco into the bargain. He's got front and side together. Maybe a kick up the backside is all he knows.

I can't believe the other African leaders take all this so seriously. They obviously know the guy's a rascal and a vagabond. But they can't bring themselves to break ranks. They probably think it will do their "liberation" creditials no good. Well, stuff those and just get rid of the tyrant. Any further delay, and things could get far worse. Is it any wonder that the world looks at African leaders and does a double take?

Mugabe muddling along!

Well, well! Now it appears that the old codger is preparing for a run-off election. The only man in history to participate in such an election when the challenger secured over 50% of the vote first time round. Of course, Mugabe knows it's all bogus, but then bogus elections are what dictators are all about.

CNN says that Mugabe's party is in disarray, split between those who think Mugabe should gracefully step down and those who say he should fight to stay in office. This was confirmed by a party member on Thursday.

I reckon he's cooked his goose. He's just upped the probability of him being strung up from the nearest tree, or possibly gold encrusted chandelier. The two sides must be down to the quicks of their fingers! If they have any sense, they'll get him to step down. History is not on their side!

Mugabe to quit so long as there's no prosecution!

Cheeky bugger! So he admits it. He's done wrong. Well, if that's the price to pay so be it. Far better to be rid of a tyrant than continuing the mayhem. Maybe he will have a Road to Damascus dream in the night. Somehow I think not. But for those of us believing in the Final Judgement, Mugabe's got a long list for the angels to sit through.

The Guardian reports that Robert Mugabe's aides have told Zimbabwe's opposition leaders that he is prepared to give up power in return for guarantees, including immunity from prosecution for past crimes. Crimes, eh? Fancy bargaining like that!

Now Zimbabwe can start its road to recovery. Mugabe can be forgotten about. Easy for me to say, but it's best no recriminations. Morgan Tsvangirai will want to create a stable government, so I would hope he doesn't purge the army, cleanse the civil service, etc. Just let them remember they got wrapped up with a toe-rag, a very eloquent, persuasive one at that!

Mugabe 'ready to face fresh vote'

I think Robert Mugabe and those around him have a severe medical problem that needs urgent attention. Their brains apparently aren't responding properly to what their eyes are seeing. It must be a terrible affliction. Mugabe sees votes piling up with Morgan Tsvangirai's name showing the "X" but his brain is telling him that they are his votes! Very disturbing. He'll be walking up and down his palatial abode, not knowing who is who. Best call it a day, I'd say.

But then his henchmen continue to prattle on about "not giving in", etc. Deputy Information Minister Bright Matonga said if results from Saturday's election showed a second round was necessary, Mr Mugabe would stand. Now come on, Bright, is that really so bright? Maybe Silly Matonga might be a better name, or Devious Matonga, but bright he's not!

"President Mugabe is going to fight to the last, and he's not giving up, he's not going anywhere, he hasn't lost the election," says the informative Information Minister. Well, if that's the case, he's stoking up trouble. The world now knows without a shadow of a doubt what these twisted tyrants are up to. The longer they keep up this pretence, the more likely they will end up as lion meat!

I think it's best they check into hospital for those lobotomy operations!