Let him eat cake!

Here's a picture of a greedy bugger!

Mugabe goes soft in the head!

Not only is Robert Mugabe an accomplished voterigger, he's also an umblemished bullshitter and a political bamboozler of the first order. He's an old man that's got more vinegary, more angry, and more wicked as his memory twists his brain. Now he's just made the worst calculation of his life.

Morgan Tsvangirai is a perfectly mild-mannered man. Considering he won the election, he's been very civil and kind towards Mugabe. Mugabe's not been kind to Mr.Tsvangirai, having had the MDC leader brutally beaten and generally treated very nastily over the years. Morgan Tsvangirai said Mugabe could live out a good life, he wouldn't be prosecuted and things could be worked out, etc. Not any more. Now it's perfectly possible for Mugabe to meet with a fate far worse that sitting out in a deckchair gazing at the failed crops and crumbling buildings. Why? Because those that told Tsvangirai that things could change, that is telling Mugabe the game was up, ratted on the deal. What idiots. Didn't they see what happened to that dozy dictator, Caucescu? Mugabe's got a few sleepless nights coming up!

Mugabe has the cheek to say, "We, not the British, established democracy, based on one person, one vote". Fantasist! One person means Robert Mugabe, one vote means his and his alone. Because if he can ignore an election result all the other votes are meaningless.

Herald headlines should read - "Mugabe meets Humpty Dumpty to swap notes". That's the real world of Zimbabwean government thinking.

Robert Mugabe - King of the Voteriggers!

Voterigging is not something that happens just in Zimbabwe. It has been a problem in the neighbouring council to me - in Birmingham. Ballot abuses are not unknown in England. Northern Ireland has had its share of dead men going to the polls. George Bush managed to get the Florida vote tweaked in 2000. Italy is a problem that needs a whole book on the subject. But nobody beats Zimbabwe and Bob the Ballot Rigging Man!

There used to be a saying in London about a suspect person, "He's got more front than Sainsbury's!". In Mugabe's case, I reckon he's trying to pass Sainsbury's off as Tesco into the bargain. He's got front and side together. Maybe a kick up the backside is all he knows.

I can't believe the other African leaders take all this so seriously. They obviously know the guy's a rascal and a vagabond. But they can't bring themselves to break ranks. They probably think it will do their "liberation" creditials no good. Well, stuff those and just get rid of the tyrant. Any further delay, and things could get far worse. Is it any wonder that the world looks at African leaders and does a double take?

Mugabe muddling along!

Well, well! Now it appears that the old codger is preparing for a run-off election. The only man in history to participate in such an election when the challenger secured over 50% of the vote first time round. Of course, Mugabe knows it's all bogus, but then bogus elections are what dictators are all about.

CNN says that Mugabe's party is in disarray, split between those who think Mugabe should gracefully step down and those who say he should fight to stay in office. This was confirmed by a party member on Thursday.

I reckon he's cooked his goose. He's just upped the probability of him being strung up from the nearest tree, or possibly gold encrusted chandelier. The two sides must be down to the quicks of their fingers! If they have any sense, they'll get him to step down. History is not on their side!

Mugabe to quit so long as there's no prosecution!

Cheeky bugger! So he admits it. He's done wrong. Well, if that's the price to pay so be it. Far better to be rid of a tyrant than continuing the mayhem. Maybe he will have a Road to Damascus dream in the night. Somehow I think not. But for those of us believing in the Final Judgement, Mugabe's got a long list for the angels to sit through.

The Guardian reports that Robert Mugabe's aides have told Zimbabwe's opposition leaders that he is prepared to give up power in return for guarantees, including immunity from prosecution for past crimes. Crimes, eh? Fancy bargaining like that!

Now Zimbabwe can start its road to recovery. Mugabe can be forgotten about. Easy for me to say, but it's best no recriminations. Morgan Tsvangirai will want to create a stable government, so I would hope he doesn't purge the army, cleanse the civil service, etc. Just let them remember they got wrapped up with a toe-rag, a very eloquent, persuasive one at that!

Mugabe 'ready to face fresh vote'

I think Robert Mugabe and those around him have a severe medical problem that needs urgent attention. Their brains apparently aren't responding properly to what their eyes are seeing. It must be a terrible affliction. Mugabe sees votes piling up with Morgan Tsvangirai's name showing the "X" but his brain is telling him that they are his votes! Very disturbing. He'll be walking up and down his palatial abode, not knowing who is who. Best call it a day, I'd say.

But then his henchmen continue to prattle on about "not giving in", etc. Deputy Information Minister Bright Matonga said if results from Saturday's election showed a second round was necessary, Mr Mugabe would stand. Now come on, Bright, is that really so bright? Maybe Silly Matonga might be a better name, or Devious Matonga, but bright he's not!

"President Mugabe is going to fight to the last, and he's not giving up, he's not going anywhere, he hasn't lost the election," says the informative Information Minister. Well, if that's the case, he's stoking up trouble. The world now knows without a shadow of a doubt what these twisted tyrants are up to. The longer they keep up this pretence, the more likely they will end up as lion meat!

I think it's best they check into hospital for those lobotomy operations!

Zimbabwe run-off poll a possibility

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has a nice way of speaking directly. Unlike Robert Mugabe, who appears to have developed a truth filter in his larynx! The Archbishop says of the Zimbabwean poll, "Even the dumbest of us would say that results would not have been held back... had it not been the fact that Mr Mugabe has not won. Had the Zanu-PF won these elections we would have heard them crowing a long time ago." Exactly, Mugabe, even with the previous fixings he managed, would have been out before the cameras like some parrot desperate to spill the beans on his owner's antics! Instead, he's holed up somewhere, eyeballing those around him to see if their body language is predicting a coup, or worse.

I'd suggest he reverts to his cricketing metaphors and declares the game is over. He keeps telling the British Government that "it's not cricket", so now is the time for a new bat and ball. The pitch is in a terrible condition, his team mates are looking edgy, and the umpires seem to be reading from the rules of baseball.

A run-off election would be a joke. The last pictures of Mugabe that I saw on television showed him wandering aimlessly around a voting booth. I think that summed it up for me. The man's lost it (in more ways than one!), but nobody seems capable or willing to tell him.

He's got only a few days. If he come's out now and withdraws gracefully, he might be allowed some respite from recriminations. But if he leaves it, well who knows! He could end up like Mussolini. Somebody should give him a menu of dictator deaths. Choose the best option or surrender now!

Deal 'close' for Mugabe to leave

He's probably seeing sense at last. According to the BBC he's trying to wrap up a deal. After all, even someone as wily and cunning as Mugabe can't make one third of the votes turn into two-thirds overnight. Too much ballot box shifting for an old man!

He's far better off this way. Morgan Tsvangirai probably won't be too hard on him. Just send him Christmas cards featuring his battered face! Mugabe called Tsvangirai an ignoramus, partly because he was a mineworker. On that basis the whole country must have been ignoramuses, but they kept their collective intelligence quiet. Mugabe now knows his petty insults have finally run out of steam.

Good riddance, I say. This beautiful country and her people deserve a far brighter future.

Robert Mugabe's lessons in arithmetic!

Robert Mugabe is a cunning crook. Seems he's left all semblance of being a good Catholic boy well behind him. As the votes in this latest Zimbabwean election are counted, Mugabe is sipping soda and telling his cohorts how one wins an election by getting 30% of the vote. According to the Movement for Democratic Change (the opposition party), it has won 60% of the vote, against 30% for Robert Mugabe. But the electoral commission was planning to announce that Mr Mugabe had won 52% of the vote! They should think very carefully before they twist things much further.

I don't know of anybody who wants to live under a despot's rule. Mugabe has three options on offer. 1) Resign with what shred of dignity he has left and keep quiet. 2) Wait to be strung up like Saddam Hussein or gunned down like Caucescu and his vinegary wife or 3) Chance his luck in The Hague. I'd suggest he goes for the first option. Oh, and he can forget about the memoirs!