Strictly Andy Mandy

Peter Mandelson has let it be known that he is slightly envious of John Sargent's dancing technique. He's also got an eye on the ratings. So Peter wants to be considered as a Strictly Come Dancing competitor. I think this is an excellent idea. Whilst I deplore his political habits, I must confess that there is a bit to be admired about Mandelson. Now I'm not going overboard, just recognising that he does have an element of star quality about him.

Peter is no shrinking violet. More a rose with thorns in the wrong places. However, I strongly suggest that the BBC gives serious thought to this. Mandelson on the floor will be a ratings success for the BBC. Detractors and fans will watch in equal measure. Can you imagine the brilliance of it all?

Bruce: "Craig, your comments, please."
Craig: "Well, you do surprise me! Not exactly a star performance, but you managed to come back from your early mistake. I'd say you've gone from Prince of Darkness to Queen of the Dancefloor!"
Bruce: "Nicely put, Craig, I'm sure. Bruno?"
Bruno: "He took the words out of my mouth! What more can I say? A tour de force, darling!"

It will be fantastic. If the BBC is worried about political balance, then Vince Cable is desperate for a go too. That leaves the matter of who the Tory Twinkletoes will be.

Any suggestions?