Patient Foster went to Gloucester!

Andy Burnham has come up with a good wheeze. Patient choice. That is he wants us all to have the ability to choose the doctor's surgery that we want. So do the Tories, who are keen to tell us they thought of it first. Sounds good in principle but there's bound to be a catch. I can think of three to start with. First, some doctors are just better at the bedside manner than others. Grouchy types may find patients have left en masse. Now that may be an incentive for all to become more patient friendly, but a bedside manner is not the first requirement in patient care.

The second is what happens on referral to consultants. If you've decided to travel 60 miles to see a doctor because that particular doctor is the best you think you know, where will you be referred if you need an operation. And thirdly, for children and those who work away from home the choice is not about one doctor but the chance to register with two, which is not allowed at present.

As with a lot of things it sounds good on first hearing. Chat about it a bit more and you find it's not so simple. I'm reminded of a family holiday to a boarding house in the wilds of western Scotland in the Sixties. A Yorkshireman and his wife were in the same establishment. He had decided he was unhappy with the food on offer - basically what you saw is what you got. One evening he leant over from his table and whispered, knowingly, to my father, "I've been down t'other 'otel 'an they've got menya cards!" Needless to say it caused a stir in the dining room and the proprietress was at a loss as to know why.

I'd suggest that Andy Burnham makes sure his menu cards don't have too much choice on them otherwise we could all get an unhealthy dose of indigestion!

Supermarionated Andy Burnham - the anti-democracy man!

Andy Burnham takes the biscuit - the ward round biscuit! Not only is he New Labour automoton led, but he has a nasty streak of anti-democratic nature about him. Being in charge of the NHS has gone to his head. Nobody must dare to criticise the National Health Service of Britain. It is wonderful beyond measure, nurses are sweet and caring, the conditions perfect. Critics can go hang. They are unpatriotic. They are stupid. They are....whatever you want them to be so long as it is nasty.

Now the ridiculous Burnham suggests that David Cameron should ban NHS critics ( I prefer realists) from the Tory Party Conference. Ban, ban, ban, that's all Labour knows. Ban fox hunting (but not quite), ban smoking (but not quite), ban MPs expenses (but not quite), and so it goes on. Why should those who seek a different approach to health provision be banned? It is arrant nonsense.

The truth is out there! Mr.Burnham knows it but follows his master's voice without even bothering to think for himself. Yes, the NHS excels in fine health care. Most people have the highest degree of satisfaction. But money is still thrown at it like confetti. Staff still spend large amounts of time walking through buildings with clipboards looking busy whilst wondering what to do next. Not everything is rosy.

I suggest this. That Andy Burnham puts on a disguise and spends a day just sitting in a hospital watching things happen. He will get a far better education from that than any departmental briefing will ever give him!

One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest!

What is to become of us? Is swine flu an epidemic of frightening proportions or just something mildly worse than so-called ordinary flu? I heard Andy Burnham on the radio and TV this morning. To say that the interviewers were exasperated with him is to be kind. The man was giving all manner of mixed messages. It apparently is up to us to decide. Pregnant women should not be too alarmed but try not to go to a party with inveterate sneezers. Airlines can be zealous about removing passengers with slight colds. And so on.

Burnham should get tough. He should use this swine flu thing to repeat the message about handwashing. There are far too many dirty-habited people in this country. Whenever I go to a public loo (always assuming I can find one) invariably some man or boy walks out without washing their hands. Fancy shaking hands after that? Burnham is being far too coy. Tell it as it is! For goodness sake. I went on a school trip once and stood guard at the door. Any boy trying to escape unwashed was summarily ordered back. I have to say there was more than one culprit. It doesn't surprise me that this is spreading. If sneezed into hands and general hygiene is anything to go by.

There was a woman on the radio yesterday saying she was experimenting with flu vaccines on ferrets. Now that's where it all went wrong in Mexico. We should have had ferret flu instead. So rather than wringing our hands instead of washing them, we would be down on our knees praying to St.Vitus for a miracle or too. Perhaps one miracle would be the sudden disappearance of this hapless government.