Kebabbed by the porkies about kebabs?

It seems that the doner kebab, as served up to the average late-night reveller, is both high in calories (almost 2,000 in one case) and not at all what it would seem. A survey shows the poor state of the kebab. No wonder the phrase "being kebabbed" suggests getting into a bit of difficulty. Because six kebabs surveyed served up pork in the mixture, which would have been enough to put any good Halal eater off, had they known.

Officers from 76 councils sampled 494 kebabs to test their nutritional value, during the Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services (Lacors) study. I pity them, I really do. I was severely put off these things, when I sat next to a friend eating one of these in a car. We were somewhere in South London, Brixton maybe, at about 2am. He started on this greasy concoction, the fat squelching out of the sides, running down his face to a great globulely drip on his chin. As I had had a few beers, I was not in any sense able to have a reasoned discussion on these molecular monsters, but I was sober enough for my memory to be implanted with a high degree of disgust. He thought it was delicious. "You should try one!", he said, with a knowing grin and a sense of satisfaction. I never have and I never will.

However, my wife tells me that where they make them well, Greece and Turkey, no such qualms should exist. They are perfect creations there. Which leads me to wonder why the British will accept any crap and not demand higher standards.

It's no good these Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services valiantly sampling such greasy grub if they don't do something about the food standards in this country. We deserve better, we really do.

Egg McMuffin Inventor dies at 89

Herb Peterson, inventor of the Egg McMuffin, has died, a Southern California official of McDonald's restaurants said yesterday (Wednesday). He was 89. Now that must be some testament to so-called junk food. I bet a lot of those posers, as Sir Alan Sugar calls them, who frequent restaurants where you get such things caramelised seaweed sitting on top of seared tuna steaks don't live as long. But it won't be the food that shortens their lives, it will be the attitude!

Now I don't frequent fast food restaurants that much, but I'm not snobbily opposed to them either. I'd rather a thousand Herb Petersen's served me food than one self-righteous foody, lips all smothered with sour sauces and red meat! McDonald's has taken a battering recently. Funny how fish and chip shops (where you get a literal battering!) don't. I love fish and chips. I quite like Egg McMuffins, but don't crave them. That's the point. There's nothing wrong with the food in McDonald's, it's the fact that some people can't help over indulging.

We get "you can't do this, you can't do that!" from the nanny state. New Labour is so keen on the can'ts. "Health and safety", they scream. Yes, in their right place, of course. But not to restrict choice, to restrict fun, or just to be plain bloody-minded.

Whilst staying at a friend's in Atlanta, I remember admitting that I'd be to Mrs Winner's Chicken & Biscuit. An outlet I just love! "You've been there!?!" I was beratingly asked. "Sorry, Bob", I limply replied, trying a repenting technique, but thinking "that's not going to put me off!"

I don't gorge on the stuff, but I don't want to be told by foody-freaks, who may end up with some ulcer or something, what I can and can't do. I like good food, posh nosh or otherwise. So goodbye Herb. You gave the world a fun thing. 89 is a hell of a lot better than most. And St. Peter probably won't mention it on any sin list!