Kebabbed by the porkies about kebabs?

It seems that the doner kebab, as served up to the average late-night reveller, is both high in calories (almost 2,000 in one case) and not at all what it would seem. A survey shows the poor state of the kebab. No wonder the phrase "being kebabbed" suggests getting into a bit of difficulty. Because six kebabs surveyed served up pork in the mixture, which would have been enough to put any good Halal eater off, had they known.

Officers from 76 councils sampled 494 kebabs to test their nutritional value, during the Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services (Lacors) study. I pity them, I really do. I was severely put off these things, when I sat next to a friend eating one of these in a car. We were somewhere in South London, Brixton maybe, at about 2am. He started on this greasy concoction, the fat squelching out of the sides, running down his face to a great globulely drip on his chin. As I had had a few beers, I was not in any sense able to have a reasoned discussion on these molecular monsters, but I was sober enough for my memory to be implanted with a high degree of disgust. He thought it was delicious. "You should try one!", he said, with a knowing grin and a sense of satisfaction. I never have and I never will.

However, my wife tells me that where they make them well, Greece and Turkey, no such qualms should exist. They are perfect creations there. Which leads me to wonder why the British will accept any crap and not demand higher standards.

It's no good these Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services valiantly sampling such greasy grub if they don't do something about the food standards in this country. We deserve better, we really do.